Illusions
by Aikawa Fuuko
Summary: Sakurazuka Seishirou believes that feelings are just illusions...Five more days...One year and five days later, a remembrance. Time passes...For your birthday, Seishirou-san...
1. Love Does Not Make Sense

**A/N:** Erm…long time no see? This fic was written as a remembrance for *that day*. This is part 1. Part 2 will be finished in a short time. (Saturday… if you remember what that day is.) This is pretty random in my opinion. Just read on if you're in the mood.

**Disclaimer:** CLAMP.

**_~*~ Illusions ~*~_**

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**_Part 1: Love Does Not Make Sense._**

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_Who is it that you're looking for?_

_No one?_

_Good, so I can come to you…_

The boy has come again. I have always known that he would come back, no matter what happens. Seishirou knows that, too. But he never talks about it. I understand my Seishirou so well. He has been so close to me… but maybe he has become even closer to that Sumeragi boy of his now… Not that I am jealous… Just… there are something he never knows…

"What do you really want, Subaru-kun?" 

He looks up from the blood. Damn those sunglasses. I have always wanted him to get rid of them, but he never listens to me about this. However, though I can't see his eyes, I can still read his soul… and I know…

He is curious, truly curious. Sometimes a human's need can be so confusing and complicated. He can never understand… but no one can ever truly understand a human anyway. No creature can ever be fully understood.

"I want…"

What does that Subaru boy want anyway? He is not even sure himself. He surely does not want to kill the man who is standing in front of him. But he wants to get his revenge. He wants to end it all. He wants to be held in those arms just one more time. He wants to destroy it all. He wanted to be gazed at by those eyes forever. He wants everything to fade into nothingness. He wants…

"Love."

"Do you know what love is?"

Does he know what love is? What is love anyway? What can define 'love'? Subaru knows attraction, he knows happiness, he knows jealousy, he knows sadness, he knows hatred, he knows many things… but does he know love? 

Love is when you can sacrifice yourself for your special one.

Love is when you look into their eyes and know that they are also looking into your soul.

Love is when you feel your heart beating the same beat with that person's.

Love is when you try by all means to make that one look at you…

Love is many things. But love can also be nothing. All those definitions can be right. But they can also be all wrong. Never argue, because you don't know everyone's love. You may know yours, but you cannot see other people's hearts. So…

"Yes, I do."

He feels the hatred, the sadness, the anger, the love inside him for that man. To other people, it may not be love. But to him, it is.

"But I don't love, Subaru-kun."

What a foolish excuse. Seishirou knows that so well, but what else can he say? He himself even does not understand why he doesn't love. It is something that's so obvious to him, something that he has never bothered to ask.

"No, the Sakurzukamori does not love. But _you_ do."

The Sumeragi boy has always wanted to believe that. He has always hoped that it is true…

"Who am _I_ to you?"

_You are my enemy, my nemesis, my opposite. You are my darkness. You are also my special one, my only love. You are the world to me. You are everything to me._

 "You are Sakurazuka Seishirou to me."

"Who is he?"

Does Seishirou know who himself is? He is curious to see himself.

"The man I love."

As simple as that, ne? But it means everything for both of them. That is the only answer they need. Only that is enough. Do I even make sense anymore? It's all right, because people who love never make sense. Love is blind. Lovers only _feel_ themselves.

_With the eyes closed the mind has a perfect view…_

_It's… just… we two…_

"Love…"

My Seishirou smiles slightly, looking at the blossoming sakura. This greatest beauty is his illusion. He can create everything by his illusions.

"Love is just an illusion to me, Subaru-kun. Feelings and emotions are illusions. You can create them. They can be whatever you want them to be. Just illusions… Are you sure that your feelings for me are not your own illusion?"

Seishirou cannot know, because he has never loved… yet. But Subaru does know that even if love is just an illusion…

"Then I want to escape reality. I am willing to live in an illusion."

"Is it worth it?"

When you love, you can even believe an illusion. Love is worth everything.

Do you believe that feelings are just our own illusions? 

Did that make any sense? Trust me, people who are in love never make sense.

Everything after that comes in a blur to me… I remember they keep talking some more… and then the boy leaves… Nothing special… yet. This is still not the time. But not for long, that time will come… The last biggest illusion…

"Sakura-san."

Oh yeah, he is calling me. What is it this time? He must have been aware that I've been overhearing his conversation. He never minds that anyway.

"What is it that has been making you feel different lately?"

So he does realize that.

_//Five more days, my Seishirou.//_

"Five more days? What will happen in five more days?"

You would be really surprised that I remember… wouldn't you, my Seishirou? Do you know that the time is coming? The time for your biggest illusion… if you believe that feelings are just illusions, my Seishirou…

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**A/N:** Yes, people who are in love never make sense…


	2. What Makes Sense Anyway

**A/N:** *bangs head against the wall* I didn't make it…I was so busy yesterday…*sighs* Okay…Anyway, happy birthday, Sei-chan!

Thanks for the reviews of _kamuichan99, chris pwure, _and_ Amethyst_. And yes, I'm gonna update MoD soon.

**Disclaimer:** CLAMP.

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**_~*~ Illusions ~*~_**

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**_Part 2: What Makes Sense Anyway._**

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_Who is it that you're looking for?_

_Someone?_

_Good, so let me be that one…_

Time has passed. Not that I care anyway. Time has always been something so futile and meaningless to me – a creature who has live hundreds of years and will live eternity. But this time, it does mean something… for that one was so close to _me_. Oh wait, correction: he _is_ close to me.

One year has passed from that day. Somehow the memories are still clear in my mind... His golden eye looking at me in the end… and his smile… which I think was his only true smile… 

A rush of wind cuts off my train of thought. A familiar sensation appears. The Sumeragi.

It has been awhile since the boy came to me, with Seishirou's eye. Since that day… I wasn't really surprised. In fact, I expected it. After all, it was destined to be like that; only Seishirou and the Sumeragi boy tried to deny it. Or maybe Seishirou knew as well, I'm not sure.

I watch the Sumeragi leaning against my trunk, blood dripping from his hands. Of course, he does not know what today is… does he? I don't think Seishirou told him… Wait a minute, even Seishirou did not remember this day… last year… I can't help but feel amused, remembering his surprise when I told him what that day was… It was priceless, that look on his face. Seishirou were rarely surprised after all.

And now, I wonder how the Sumeragi boy would react to the news…

_//Sumeragi.//_

He looks up at me. A blank look in his empty eye. How he reminds me so much of his own twin star. But at least, Seishirou did smile, though that smile was also empty… The Sumeragi boy never smiles. That… makes me… I don't know… feel different… Well, I guess Seishirou's influence on me is bigger than I thought.

Strange, isn't it? Most people usually think of me as an emotionless and incredibly evil spirit. But in fact… I do talk like any other human. Well, I _was_ human after all. Surprised? Oh, don't be. You must know that everything, including angels and devils, begins with human.

Oh, I'm so far off the main topic now. The Sumeragi is still waiting for my response. He rarely answers me. I guess he still hasn't come in good term with me. He still blames me for his lost love… I won't deny my fault, but still…

_//Do you know what today is?//_

Oh yes, a sense of déjà vu. I asked the same question exactly one year ago on this day. Of course, a blank look is all I get once again. Suddenly I wonder if Seishirou knew the Sumeragi's special day… Oh, he did know. I remember that one time he sent a special gift to the Sumeragi… Okay, let's not dwell on that time… though I still think it was amusing…

_//On this day, thirty-four years ago, the last heir of the Sakurazuka Clan was born.//_

And *that* got his attention. So he didn't know. Emerald eye looks at me. Beneath that blankness, I can see the flickering curiosity well. I can't help but feel amused. He looks like a child who's about to be told a fairy tale by his grandmother… Oh wait, I don't think I can imagine his _grandmother_ telling him fairy tales… Okay, so I decide to continue my story. Actually, it's not really a story… Just memories that I guess he would like to know…

_//You should have seen Seishirou's face last year when I told him that day was his birthday…He didn't even remember his birthday, though he remembered yours very well.//_

The Sumeragi seems a bit stunned. He shouldn't be. Seishirou was just that kind of person. He should have expected that. The only thing that existed in Seishirou's mind was his lovely prey. 

_//And you know what, on this day nineteen years ago, the lady of this house died here, too.//_

I don't know why all of sudden I'm telling him about _her_. That woman just seems to appear in my mind whenever I think about Seishirou's childhood. Not that I like her or dislike her. She was my Guardian after all… It's just… she was weird…

"Who is she?"

His voice was blanched despite his growing curiosity. I wonder if he knows the huge contrast between his emotionless deep voice now and his light innocent voice many years ago…

_//Can't you guess it already?//_

I am amused. Yes, isn't it too obvious? The lady of the house… who else could it be? But then again, I remember that the Sumeragi knows almost nothing about his love's childhood or personal life. And yes, Seishirou indeed had a personal life, besides from going around killing people to feed me every night.

"His…mother?"

The Sumeragi asks hesitantly. I bet he's never thought that Seishirou had a family before.

_//Yes, his mother. Nineteen years ago, Seishirou killed his mother to become the Sakurazukamori. She was the twelfth Clan Head.//_

I cast an illusion of nineteen years ago upon us. Yes, time for remembering…

_"I'm so glad, to be killed by you…"_

_"Really?"_

_"Yes. There is no greater happiness than being killed by the one you love."_

The Sumeragi looks at the scene in front of him with shock. I can understand what that shock is about…

_"Do you love me?"_

Till now, I still wonder why Seishirou asked her that. Maybe he had always wanted to be loved since long ago…He never realized that though…

And…in his entire life, I think he only asked two people that question…his two most important ones…Setsuka and…Sumeragi Subaru…

_"Yes, more than anything."_

_"I love you, too, Mother."_

_"But I'm not the one you'll love more than anything."_

Setsuka had always known that. I have a feeling she knew everything…The woman was more than she seemed…

_"Kill me, Seishirou…"_

_"As you wish."_

Now that I think about it…On that day, if Seishirou had asked Subaru to kill him like that, I wonder how the Sumeragi would have reacted…But, knowing Seishirou, he would never do that…He chose the silent suicide way.

Blood splattered on the snow. Setsuka chose a beautiful time and beautiful place to die, didn't she? 

_"I wonder who I'll be killed by."_

_"By the one…you love more than anything…"_

"He…really…"

The Sumeragi is stunned. His hope has been confirmed. Or maybe his fear. He fears that Seishirou really loved him, but he couldn't have that love anymore…

_"I can't love anybody, Mother…You, who bore me, must know that."_

_"Yes, I used to think the same thing…until…I met you…"_

It's always like that. The one who loves you and the one who you love. For many generations of Sakurazukamori, it has always been like that. Ironic, isn't it? The ones who are called 'emotionless' and 'heartless' will always be killed by the one they love more than anything.

_"Why do you remember, Sakura-san? It's nothing special. I don't feel the need remember it."_

_//Do you know why, Seishirou? This year is the last year.//_

He was silent after that.

_"Yes. Next year…the Final Day. So I wouldn't make it to that day, would I?"_

_//For an illusion, my Seishirou…//_

And I think he understood.

_"Even if love is just an illusion…then I want to escape reality. I am willing to live in an illusion."_

In this world, nothing makes sense anymore…We all live in our illusion…And that is enough, if we have our happiness…

Time passes…always…

"Seishirou-san…"

"Yes, Subaru-kun?"

"I…umm…this is for you…"

"Oh. How do you know that today is my birthday?"

"Umm…" The younger man blushes.

"It's all right. Thank you, Subaru-kun." He smiles, a true smile.

I look at them. Yes, time has passed.

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~End of Illusions~*~*~*~*~*~*~_


End file.
